what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
