Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize