Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
