apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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