These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
