I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Randomize
