We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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