i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize