let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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