I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
