now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I wish life had little blips of pornography
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
