Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
