Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
