Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends

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(860): View more from Connecticut

i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.

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(510): View more from California

I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.

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(434): View more from Virginia

The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever

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(443): View more from Maryland

i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.

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(512): View more from Texas

Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"

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(386): View more from Florida

She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow

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