You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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