So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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