just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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