you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
