somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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