i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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