just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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