did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
soo... how was my night?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
