Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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