You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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