True but thats because hes a fetus.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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