capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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