Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
it was like eating out sand paper
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
