Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
