My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
