best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
