so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize