I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
