i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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