If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
