hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
