He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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