You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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