smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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