shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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