it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
