I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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