he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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