Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
