It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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