Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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