yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
