I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
