Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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