can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
