i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
