My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
