Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
