My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
