is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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