i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
