How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize