I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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