Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize