yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
