party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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