I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
