I'm jealous of your bromance
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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