I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
