i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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