Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
