How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize