we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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