I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
