paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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