hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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