my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
