i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
