She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize