She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
