Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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