WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
