So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
