I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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