Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
