i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
