we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
